


Procrastinating The Inevitable

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Oneshot, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-13
Updated: 2015-10-13
Packaged: 2018-04-26 04:28:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4990219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A young man stands in the middle of nowhere. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, 2017, is this young man's birthday. Though it was twenty-one years ago he was given life, he feels dead inside everyday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Procrastinating The Inevitable

**Author's Note:**

> I was in pain today so I wanted to become sadder

> John: Wake Up

 

Honestly, you'd rather not, but the morning sun is glaring down on your face, so you roll out of your sleeping bag into an upright position. You don't remember where you are today, but you can see the last winter snow packs melting down the mountain tops turn into powerful rivers coursing through a lush boreal forest. You didn't have to stay on Earth, but you haven't felt like facing the others in a long time. They knew not to celebrate your birthday anymore, but all conversation seemed to go downhill once anyone even casually brings up 'the game'. Although admittedly, the near constant darkness of New Alternia is almost welcome these days.   

Suddenly a soft voice echos in the distance, "John?"

You hope it was just the wind whistling at a frequency that's causing you to hallucinate hearing Jade's voice, but a flash of green light says otherwise. Your sister is standing in front of you in her ruby slippers and obsidian robes, a shy smile on her lips. She was among those who decided to evolve beyond the need to be corporeal so this must be important.

"Happy birthday John." Jade zaps a small cake (no doubt personally made by Jane) into her hands before before placing it in front of you to blow out the candles.

You don't even bother opening your mouth before you send a gentle breeze to put out the flames. "You know you or the others don't have to."

"Yeah, but you haven't celebrated anything in a long time. I thought we could get the gang together since it's been years since we've all last seen each other."

Great. This again. You draw your knees up to your chest and mutter, "I don't know Jade, it doesn't seem like a good idea..."

She just stands arms akimbo and sternly asks, "Why not? You've been spending this whole time just following the trade winds to random places. Plus the last person you actually talked to was Jake about more travelling advice. Aren't you wondering what everyone was up to?"

You grit your teeth and snap at her, "Couldn't I just ask you since you spend so much time fucking around space just to stalk people? I have better things to do than pretending to give a shit about everyone else!" Your frustration starts to form angry gusts of wind, grey clouds hurry to block out the sky. "MAYBE I JUST DON'T CARE ANYMORE!"

"STOP IT!" A bolt of energy hit you square on the forehead and the storm you were conjuring quickly fades away as you wince in pain. "AND MAINTAINING THE BALANCE OF EXISTENCE ISN'T 'FUCKING AROUND SPACE'. GET YOUR FUCKING HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS!" Jade's voice bellowed in a deep, other worldly voice that resonated through the earth and caused the trees to shake and bird to scatter en mass. Wisps of green energy surround her body, emanating an almost sinister amount of power.   

You're trying to take deep breaths and all you can manage to say is, "Look, I'm sorry. It's just...not today. Not today please? Today just..."

Jade is still angry though. "YOU THINK TODAY IS EASY FOR ANYBODY ELSE THAT REMEMBERS? WE ALL LOST SOMETHING, JOHN." 

You don't make a move to wipe away the tears rolling down your face, but you try your best not to sob when you answer, "But it's all my fault! No one says it, but it is! The fucking beta came out around my birthday! If we never played everyone would still be alive!" Fuck it, all resolve to not breakdown disappears. Maybe it's just because this is the first time in what has felt like forever that someone has reached out and criticized you. Maybe all those years of repression have finally led to the floodgates bursting open. Catharsis is a bitch, but these words needed to come out, that's for sure. 

At this Jade finally softens, lowering herself to sit beside you to pull you into a tight hug. "Shoosh. That's not true and you know it. None of us could have known. And even if we did, none of the good thing would have happened if we hadn't played. We wouldn't have been born, or met the trolls, or met the young versions of our guardians. The end was coming for us no matter what. At least we all had a fighting chance John, and we got the reward in the end."

All you can do for ten minutes is choke down sobs before you blurt out, "What good is the reward if we didn't actually get what we wanted?"

There's no correct answer to give of course. Jade only hums as she rocks you back and forth. Your breathing eventually calms down and you sober up from the tantrum. 

"I am really sorry Jade, about what I said and how I acted. I've been in a bad place ever since we 'won'."

She tries to lightly jab, "Well you've been all over the place since everything ended. I can't help but keep track of you even though you keep distancing yourself from all of us. We love you, remember? After all, we couldn't have done it without you."

You let a meek smile work it's way onto your face, the feeling quite awkward after all this time alone. "Thank you. So what did you have in mind for the get together?"

A tiny squeal is emitted after you ask and Jade beams, "I did something back on my island I hope everyone will like! Come and be the first to see it!"

After putting away all your camping equipment into your sylladex you agree to go on the condition that you two fly over there instead of teleporting, just to ease your nerves about having to attend a party. As Heir of Breath, flying is great, but your natural state is to truly be one with the air, but you've haven't been able to let go and become wind in a long time. This is okay though, because Jade is able to fill you in on how everyone is doing while you two are soaring through the sky. Among other things; Dirk and Jake just finished a tour of Europe, Jane's flagship branch of her baked goods company in New Alternia has been successful, Karkat still freaks out about being the spiritual leader of an entire species after all these years, and Rose and Kanaya have agreed on how to decorate their home for the arrival of their child.    

That last one especially catches your interest. You can't stop yourself before you turn to Jade and ask, "What are they going to name it?"

She stops dead in her tracks and makes a face. A few minutes go by before she mutters, "They were going to find one way or another to name it Dave."

"Oh."

"John," She begins to apologize.

You just shrug though. "No, I don't blame them. I would too, just as a way to remember him, you know?" But when you start to think about it you haven't done anything to remember anyone. Without making use of Rose's wine collection, all your energy has been put into forgetting things.

"Exactly! Which is one of the reasons I wanted you to see my little project first! Look we're almost there!" Jade quickly flies away before you can question what she just said and Hellmurder Island comes into view.  

The last time you checked, Jade and Jake made a point not to visit the island anymore, though they tell everybody to treat it as if it was their own home. However, everything seems to have recently been spruced up around the place. A city made of white marble buildings in an Ancient Greek inspired style sits in the middle of the island and a small black figure in a silver cloak with a sash hurries to greet you two with a bow.

"Aww, hi Mr. Mayor! How's it been?" You give him a bro bump and a hug. What a cute little dude. 

In response he does a silly dance while excitedly pointing around the city populated by numerous chess people and consorts.

Jade adds, "They've really made this place flourish all by themselves! They even helped me with what I'm about to show you. Come join us Mayor!"

Taking both of you by the hand, Jade guides the three of you through the city to the outskirts, stopping in front of a platinum wrought gate your breath catches in your throat.

"What..."

"Ta da! I made this garden in my spare time. I invited everyone over for a party here to celebrate your birthday and all our dear friends. Come take a look!"

Inside the gates the garden itself is resplendent beyond words. Trees and plants of all sorts of varieties and from different planets have all coalesced into a veritable Eden. Some bear heavenly looking fruit hanging ever so gingerly off of them, while most have abundant arrangements of flowers sprouting all over the place. You've never seen so many colours in one place, or smelled such a rich symphony of fragrances without getting sick. But with the sound of the centre fountain bubbling away and the sunlight warming your skin, everything feels just right. You couldn't imagine any other way to honour your friends.

"This is amazing," is all you can manage to blubber.

This time Jade happily claps her hands together and chuckles. "Yay! The mission was a success! I just need you to do one last thing. You notice the little monoliths?"

You scan around and realize that scattered around the garden are small granite pedestals with blank monoliths on them.

She continues, "I thought these would be more personal than just headstones. We all know who's gone and when they left us, but this way we get to write them a last goodbye. Everyone will make one when they get here, but I thought you would like to be the first one."

You turn to the Mayor behind you and see that he was apparently in on the whole thing as well, and is adamantly offering you a hammer and chisel. 

"But I-I don't know how or who..."

"Yes you do. And if you think you mess up I can clear it up. Don't worry, I'll leave you alone to just get it off your chest." Jade leads you towards a pedestal in front of a bush of bright red roses (exactly the same colour as you remembered Dave always use for his font) before sauntering off with the Mayor in tow.

Oh man. This is a lot of pressure because you've just been tasked with writing down only what you need to say that should last forever. You begin by doing your best job at carving Dave's broken record symbol into the stone and pause for a long time to admire the work. After all these years what else is there to really say that you haven't already angrily shouted into the void when you were all by yourself? In the end you only chisel out two sentences of what you felt was absolutely necessary for Dave to know before the arrival of others distracts you and forces you to go join them.

 

_I love you._

_I'm sorry I never got to tell you, but you probably knew somehow anyway._

_\- John_


End file.
